There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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