mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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