see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
