can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
