hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
false alarm. still invincible.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
