Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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