The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize