who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
