call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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