oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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