At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
