So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
