plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You smell like stripper and shame
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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