I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
