Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
