U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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