did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
