I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
