He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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