How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
