your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
