can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
