There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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