He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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