guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
