We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
