did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
