I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
nutella sex= disaster
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
