So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
