watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
