He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
