Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
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Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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