i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
