Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
