dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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