Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
