Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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