I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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