I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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