dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
