Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
