Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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