I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
