I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
