I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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