he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize