why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
