Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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