So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
