Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
