Someone shit on the floor
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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