tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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