im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
