I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
