who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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