okay pat passed out under dana's car
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
