You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
