did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i think i just lost a toe
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
