Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
