If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
