summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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