I just pynch a tree in the face
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
