do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
