1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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