He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
