I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
