Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
