I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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