About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Found the puke drawer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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