I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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