Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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