you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
