I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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