More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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