he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
operation harelip BJ is a go
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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