Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
