I have demons in me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
