she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
