I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
