I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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